Dear Arthur,
Elbert wanted me to write to you and tell you about something
we have seen here which may also be a problem in the church in
Island Pond. It is concerning the attitudes of the baptized children.
Here, after the children were baptized, they were moved into the
single men and women's rooms. This was because they did not really
have enough room for them to continue to stay in with the other
children, and they figured it would be good for them to be around
the older people to help them to mature in certain areas. Somehow
they began to be treated more as adults than as children. And
they took upon themselves the role of an adult member of the body.
They began to exalt their opinions to the level of the adults
of the church. They have become very bossy and proud. There is
Samuel and Birgir who are 11 years old. Chrystelle who is 10,
Simone Marsha who is almost 9, and Uriah who is 7. Uriah is a
VERY foolish child. He has been spoken to very much by everyone
about it, even at the tables they have rebuked and warned him
as one who is supposed to have the Holy Spirit. (Elbert wonders
about this, for the fruit of the Holy Spirit in his life is difficult
to see, although he has changed in many ways from receiving good
consistent discipline from John and even from Valerie.) So now
the other baptized children have taken it upon themselves to constantly
correct Uriah for his foolishness. In a very authoritative manner
they are always saying "Uriah stop! That is foolishness!"
They speak as if they are adults and expect Uriah to respect them
and obey them. In fact most of their relationships with one another
are full of one instructing the other sternly. But none of them
are really in the place to be an instructor. All of them from
Samuel on down are also guilty of a more subtle form of foolishness.
The brothers here began to be very concerned as they began to
see the fruit of giving these children TOO MUCH at TOO YOUNG an
age. They had grown very independent from their parents, even
to the point that recently when Dennis and Isabelle had a problem
with Chrystelle they thought that she would need to be brought
before the whole church as if she were one of the single women.
Chrystelle had been deceitful with them about wetting the bed.
She had elevated herself to such a high position as one of the
responsible 'single women' in the church, that she just could
never own up to wetting the bed. Her pride was so great. She had
been deceitfully covering it up, hiding her urine soaked nightgowns.
Since she lives in the single women room, her mother does not
keep that close tabs on her so she was able to go on like this
for a couple weeks without it being discovered. Before Chrystelle
realized that her mother knew about her deception, Denis asked
her directly if she ever wet the bed any more and she flatly denied
wetting. Then when everything was exposed she admitted what she
had done to her parents. But Denis came to the elders, wondering
if since she had been in deceit when she came to the Thanksgiving
meal, if she would need to be brought before the church. Elbert
felt that this would take away from the authority of the parent
over his own child. He said that is very important that the authority
of the parent always be supported in the church. A parent should
deal with his own child as he sees fit. Their discipline problems
should be handled between the parent and child. The child should
not be brought to the table to confess their foolishness, bedwetting,
deceit, etc., unless what they have done has effected the rest
of the church, or caused another to stumble. Here, the table began
to be used as a confessional. Elbert said that bringing confessions
to the table, whether it be a child or an adult, should not be
a standard practice. Here, those who are easily condemned were
continually bringing their petty confessions to the table in a
sort of a forum. Then everyone would say, "We forgive you",
and give that one a hug, and they would feel better. But this
only brings temporary relief to the conscience, in the same way
as the Roman Catholic confessionals do. This is not the true cleansing
of the Holy Spirit. He has exhorted the adults to confess their
sins to their Father in Heaven, and if it involves another individual,
then confess it to him, but only in extreme cases to bring it
to the table. The little baptized children had begun often confessing
things at the table, without even the direction of their parents.
They were copying what they saw the adults do. They enjoy 'being
a big person.' This is every child's dream from the time they
are 5 or 6 - to be a 'big person', to be treated like an adult,
to be included in on all the 'big people things'..they want to
dress like the big people, talk like the big people, imitate their
ways…This is very common among children everywhere. This
is not the Holy Spirit, but rather a natural inclination.*** They
want to be the boss, rather than being the one who is always told
what to do. Perhaps many of the children who are wanting to be
baptized are wanting this 'adult position' rather than truly wanting
the Salvation of their souls. We do not just automatically assume
that a child who is baptized has received the Holy Spirit, but
we observe the fruit of their lives. This fruit will not be a
sudden "new maturity," which leaves us amazed that a
7 year old could be so suddenly grown up. This might seem nice
at first, but when at 8 years old they begin to challenge your
opinions and exalt their own, what is happening becomes more obvious.
Children must always be treated as children, until they become
men and women. A child is responsible to their parents. A CHILD
CAN ONLY GROW UP INTO THE HEAD THROUGH HIS PARENTS. If he is truly
baptized, the relationship between he and his parents will be
even more closely established. It will not be that the child grows
more independent from his parents. If you see this happening,
then something is wrong. The Masse's and the Brosseau's have been
very good examples of this. Their children became closer to their
parents as the Holy Spirit began to work in their lives - many
barriers were broken down. The children didn't strive to be recognized
for their own merits, and opinions as this is the fruit of the
'I want to be a grown-up' spirit and not the fruit of the Holy
Spirit.
Concerning the problem I spoke of earlier with Chrystelle, Elbert
told Denis that this problem should be dealt with between he and
his child. The trust relationship should be established between
she and them. She should not feel as if her parents were going
to betray here and go to the elders about all of her problems.
She should trust them, and they should guard that trust. There
may be times when it would be necessary to go to the elders, in
some extreme case, such as with Nathan Wiseman, because that involved
someone else. Even in some cases where deceit just goes on and
on and the parent is not able to deal with it, it may be necessary
to speak to the elders, but this would be a rare thing. The parent
should usually deal with the child's sins privately - "guarding
a matter" (Prov. 11:13). Coming before the household about
your sin is an extreme discipline and should be used in cases
where necessary, but if the table is overused then it becomes
a mere form. Don't even let the weak adult who is condemned if
he "belches," overuse the table for confession. This
works to dull the church, and they learn to pass out their "I
forgive you" too easily. One day a few weeks ago, Chrystelle
came to the table and confessed some small incident that happened
between herself and the other 2 baptized girls. She went into
great detail about, and totally confused the table as everyone
was trying to get all the details straight. Everyone was just
about to say, by rote, "We forgive you" when Elbert
broke in and began to question the other children, "do you
think that Chrystelle, is REALLY sorry?" He asked all the
other children, and then made them each explain why they believed
she was sorry. It was quite a long ordeal over something that
seemed so insignificant, but it really put fear into both child
and adult about just confession petty things at the table. He
really questioned Chrystelle's sincerity in making her confession.
This is before all this came out about Chrystelle's problems,
but it was really the Holy Spirit warning us about a principle
that had started in our midst. No one had told Chrystelle to speak
at the table, she just somehow felt compelled to do it, as some
sort of a show. It was an attention getting devise. Her pride
would have been boosted as everyone heaped false forgiveness upon
her.
Hopefully, when the housing situation gets a little better, we
will be able to move the children out from the single men and
women's rooms. At 11 years old, Samuel and Birgit are quite mature,
but they still should not be given too much responsibility as
an "independent entity" from their parents. Samuel is
not old enough to disciple Uriah. Samuel is still very foolish
himself, and he is learning to be a Pharisee with Uriah, in harshly
disciplining him verbally when he is guilty of the same things.
In one translation it says in Prov. 10:13, "the rod is for
the back of a fool," and also Prov. 22:15 we see that the
rod is the only solution for foolishness, not only reproof but
both the rod and reproof. Foolishness is not a hopeless sin. It
is bound up in the heart of every child. It is not something to
get discouraged about because you see so much foolishness in a
certain child, but it is something serious which must be dealt
with as the scriptures teach us. Mark 7:21 - foolishness must
be dealt with firmly and consistently for it defiles a man. Most
of the adults in the church never had the foolishness driven out
of their hearts, so it must be dealt with now in them at an older
age when it is harder to get at. But it is serious as you can
see by the list of things it is included with in Mark 7.
A couple times since we have been here we have had to talk with
a brother or sister about certain sins they have fallen into that
they want to confess. At these times, because of the seriousness
of the matter, we always have the children go out, even the baptized
ones, for they are not mature enough to judge such matters. Elbert
does not want you to think that he is saying not to use your tables
at all for confession, because it is a wonderful means of grace
also, so I hope you can understand. One sister fell into sin and
she confessed at the table (after the children were sent out),
confessing the depth of her sin, it was a wonderful time of cleansing
for her, plus the Father spoke to us all about the guilt we all
shared in her sin, because before she fell she had asked several
people for help, to talk to her or pray for her, but everyone
had been too busy. After she fell many people realized how they
had been too busy to be their brother's keeper and many repented
with tears. So confession before all is very important and has
benefits for the confessor and the hearer.
Everyone here loves you Arthur & Judy,
In Messiah,
Mars
***This is not wrong that a child has the desire to grow up, for
we really desire for them to grow up to be responsible helpers
in the church, but we cannot assume that just because they are
baptized that the work of maturity has been completed in them.
No, maturity must be 'worked into them', as they are little by
little given more responsibility. Even as it speaks of in 1 Tim.
5:22, about being careful not to lay hands on one too soon for
a position of responsibility in the church, so it also applies
to the children. This false maturity that we are talking about
is not the true godly maturity which will happen as a young disciple
takes on the mind of his father and mother, truly giving up of
his whole being to be a servant in the church. It is a pseudo
maturity which only leads to pride, Satan's sin.