DEFENSIVENESS

My three dear brothers and friends. I am writing this to you by way of commission by our apostle. So I pray that I will have grace to communicate the spirits' mind in this matter. I know that all of you there are filled with the life that Yoneq has lavished on you. We are beginning to have this life revive our faint and weakened souls as his coming has been a most waited for and treasured event!

On preparation day, I asked Yoneq how my friend Sue was doing. He told me that she was doing marvelous and he told me a little about the things she had struggled through and how she felt so guilty and responsible in the conflict with Ann. I asked him how Ann was doing. She was not doing well, he told me. He said that he had fellowship with Sue, but not with Ann. I told him that when I lived with her, I told her that if I could sum up her whole person in one word, it would be "defensive." It was very difficult for her to receive the slightest correction, suggestion or hint,. She was like a hair-triggered trap set to snap at the merest breath of a tiny squirrel. She was filled with defenses and excuses and held onto the fact that she'd been in the Edah for umpteen years, so how could anyone tell her anything about cooking, etc. I had found her in this same state when we lived together four years ago. I could not tell her anything. Not only could I not tell her anything, but here was a fear that divided us, a fear causing this frightful trap to spring. Thus I had to walk on egg shells. Finally, when we lived together again, I was determined not to live under this same bondage and I expressed my heart to her. I think she heard me and I sensed that she allowed me to get closer to her than most people, but still this condition prevailed. Yoneq said that he would say to her, "I love you," and she would snap back in utter defense, "I love you too," revealing a hidden insinuation that he must not think she did or had a question of her character.
I told him that the only way I thought she could be healed of this would be to totally torn down and to begin again, because when one is in this condition, they may feel or sense things in themselves being wrong somehow. But because they are "on their own" they can never quite draw sword to the whole thing. They remain to be tossed about by their feelings, defending themselves and justifying themselves in the face of all help that would try to bring them into fellowship and into the light, trying even to measure up in their own picture of themself. But if someone were to tell her with absolute certainty and authority that they had a bad foundation and that they needed to be totally smashed down like the clay on the wheel and begin again at zero; and with this handle they would be able to soak in and learn anew the ways of our wonderful King and His gentle character in our precious friends.
Yoneq told me that she was the one who was still full of accusations against those who have been in authority over her.
When I told him what I felt, he said it was really right and that this is what she needed and to write to the three of you and tell you this.
Then yesterday (Sabbath) he told me that he was going to speak about defensiveness to the Edah and to take notes and to write about what he said in this letter. It was really wonderful the things he shared last night and they brought about the most wonderful response!
We began in our gathering talking about Ayil's article, "Jail," and about our testimony of what Yahshua has done for us in what passes on life. Yoneq read Jn. 1:4 - In Him was life and the life was the light of men. Life must come into existence to be the light. Half the people in the Edah don't listen so they miss the life. We don't know what saved means. Death is the annihilation, the cessation, the absence of life. If you don't realize you are saved from this, you can not give a thanksgiving offering (except by rote) because all thanksgiving offerings are based on being saved from death that all men are under.
Death is being deprived of the rights of life. If our mind is set on the Spirit, we have life. He came to save us from the state of consciousness that is devoid of life that goes on and on forever - no breath of life or hope - just a state of consciousness and memories of sin and the effects that our sins produced (on others), the hurt of going against your conscience and the law of God and before Sinai, even the law of Hamurabi - the instinctive knowledge of the law of our Creator.
We must be thankful to be saved from such an agonizing future. We are saved from missing the kingdom and death by keeping our mind on the Spirit, from the second death of unbelievers only by His merit. Our spirit has been sealed with His spirit. Salvation ultimately is for us, but if we don't appreciate our salvation, how, if we grumble and complain, then we will have to experience death to be able to appreciate our salvation.
Then he started on defensiveness. Many people in the Edah are defensive; mothers with their children, etc. If it goes on, they must have a new beginning. The foundation is there to build straight upon, but they have grown crooked. Attitudes in us build us crooked. Be careful how we build upon the foundation or we'll find ourselves missing the kingdom. We must be eternally thankful for our salvation when we're let loose. There's no way to be saved unless we're thankful. Then (thankful) we won't become perverted. You can't give thanks apart from knowing you're saved from death. You can't give thanks apart from knowing you're saved from death. There is salvation only in unity.
Defensive means to be defensive. The ministry of others cannot be in your life. If you don't receive your brothers and sisters then you are not receiving Messiah's ministry in your life. Defensiveness is resistance, protection, argument for support warding off an attach and, the art of protection. A word comes to us and we have an art of warding it off. Ultimately we are loving our own life. It's a mode of behavior by which a person conceals the true state of matters pertaining to his own spiritual state - devoted to resistance. We need to be devoted to resistance against the enemy, not each other. They see any inquire into their life as an aggressive attack. They can't receive any love, any life, or any ministry. It is a hatred of the cross - complexities of reasoning to justify one's self. It keeps us from growing up into the head by receiving each other's ministry. They never change. They suffer, but it's not doing any good.
You may say you don't have any defensiveness, but you will as the way gets narrower and narrower. Whoever wants to preserve his own life will lose it. We have to give up our life so we can be saved. Living in the world you are trained in defensiveness. You agree only as far as you understand.
Some are going to be this way and some already are - experiencing death. There is no use to pray for them. Anyone who has committed a sin leading to death must experience death (complaint). so there is no use praying for them. (1 Jn. 5:16)
Some are building on the foundation which is already laid which is Yahshua, with hay, wood, and straw. (1 Cor. 3:12) Be careful how we build. The foundation is already laid. We must take heed to what Paul means. They'll be saved, but only as through fire, the fire of loneliness, affliction, and waste.
The good news is that in Messiah, we've escaped this. But we have not yet escaped the first death. We must work out our salvation with fear and trembling.
These who are building crooked are not giving themselves to the fire now. It must now burn off all the dross: everything that keeps His Edah from becoming what it is supposed to be.
Defensiveness is building with perishable materials, motives other than a pure motive from Messiah. All their work will burn up. It will not stand the fire of judgment. The fruit is seen in Matthew 7:21-23. So these need a new beginning, like the clay on the potters wheel. He doesn't throw it away, but He starts again. Derushe began again and now he's passing on life. He reads his bible all the time. He underlines everything. He's underlined everything in his bible, so now he has to throw it away and get a new one because when everything is new and fresh and you're in love with Messiah, and you're listening, everything speaks to you! Before, we didn't know if he was on the foundation because he was carnal, but now he is new - he has life! He passes on life continually. He stays on the phone sometimes too long just passing on the life our Father is giving him. He is a most marvelous teacher - this is all developing over the last three months.
Isaiah 60:17 - If we're not getting something for something else, we're not being made like Him. We have to become opposite of what we were. If we were quiet and reserved we need to speak and express ourselves. If we were loud and blabber mouthed we need to take on a sense of reserve. The Spirit changes us because we're obedient to the Scriptures that we read and read - which brings us there. We're not saved by hearing, buy by obeying. Where there's no obedience, there is no change. Some have never changed. They still smell the same. Derushe had no change after ten years. Now he's changed. You have to tear down the house and begin again. Even if we never change, we're in a good place to be (Salvation). But He wants us to change.
2 Cor. 5:15 (has never happened yet to Ann). There is a great big wall around her. There's no warmth or fellowship. We have a fear of her defense. She is still living for herself, not living for Him. She works her fingers to the bone. She goes to bed late at night and gets up early in the morning, but as it says in verse 17 - there remains to be seen in her a new creation. Her scent hasn't changed (Jer. 48:11). Instead of the hard taskmaster that she sees, she must have a shepherd who shepherds her in righteousness (Isaiah 60:17), when she sees the kingdom. Now she sees the leaders and elders as hard taskmasters and enemies. There are things bottled up there that have been for years and years. The man who buried his one talent - he hid away the one thing he had, salvation, instead of using it to give life and light, then gave it back unused - producing nothing. He was supposed to let it come forth. He had salvation, but never learned to use it to give thanks and produce fruit. Everything changes when you see the kingdom. (Nicodemus in Jn. 3:3) - the need to be born of the Spirit. Derushe is no longer carnal because an awakening came to him. It all depended on the lump of clay in the potter's hand. Is. 45:9, 64:8, Jer. 18:1-6. It is not coming as a threat. One has to say, "That's me! I have to stop trying to build this crooked house! Matt. 7:24-26. I need to be smashed down and rebuilt."
Yoneq has stressed that a name cannot be given for someone to grow into: if they are not their name, it would be better for them to never receive a name or else they will be guilty of not being who they were supposed to be.
If we could only receive who we are and what we're called to. We hear, but it doesn't go into our heart and give us true appreciation of Him. There are good vessels and ignoble vessels; commodes and good cooking and eating pots for wonderful things. We want to be clean and noble vessels. It is the attitudes that we maintain within us and things that keep us from listening with our heart, that keep us from reigning with Messiah, from the kingdom, from hearing our brothers and sisters. If we hang onto our life and squire and point the finger and blame others and defend our life, then 1 Cor. 3:13-15 will result. v.10 - the foundation was already laid with the Corinthians - there was dissension and bitterness. Our Father knew their heart. The fire will burn up all that you ever thought was good that you said and did because in the midst of this you were a complainer or you didn't receive your brothers and sisters. He knows our works - all through revelations 3:1-6 He says this, "I know your works." He loves us, but hates the works when we are this way. Rev. 6 - would it not be grace to begin again and not try to build our crooked house. Rev. 21 - Each tribe is a jewel. Jewels are made of those who let themselves die, let their wrong thoughts and attitudes die. If we begin again we still have a chance t get into that jewel. Everyone must be a part of the jewel of the tribe - included in the sacrifice, thus have a thanksgiving offering. Rev. 21:19 - the foundation stone. Rev. 22:14 - Blessed are those who wash their robes clean. Those who cannot get heir robes clean will find out they did not have a robe of Messiah. it is our own neglect and not doing what our conscience is telling us to do that will keep us from the kingdom.
Our foundation, why many aspire but few attain, is that they never learn to receive rebuke and correction. They don't listen and have a contrite heart - but are defensive, hanging onto their own life, not receiving one sent to us, not receiving Messiah. Rather they point the finger back and say, "What about you?" Dissension and division, schisms in the Community keep us from being heard in heaven.
Do we love one another? This is how we know we've passed out of death into life. Death is suffering the pangs of losing someone you truly love. It is a shameful way we treat one another when we don't receive one another as Messiah Himself. Put an end to all defensiveness and bitterness and resentment. If a stain is left too long in your garment, you must rub it hard to get it out, but this tears a hole in it and it will not be acceptable. you must get the stains out quickly.
Common means to stand in contrast with one's own. We have a common faith with our brothers and sisters everywhere. Common unity. We celebrate this in the breaking of the bread. We are no longer agitated by our brothers and sisters coming to us with the ministry of Messiah. We have a perfect attitude towards them as long as we HUMBLE ourselves and receive one another. If we don't humble ourselves we'll be defensive. (I recently saw this in Lk. 9:46-56 the implications here are marvelous). Jn. 17:22 - unity.
So after this we were about to quickly ascent to the Master's table when Shama burst out a confession that a year ago someone had said something to her about a condition in her life and it hurt her so that she took back her life and from then on was trying to deal with the enemy on her own but couldn't do it and he as devouring her. She gave back her life o Messiah. She said she wanted to be submissive and not defensive and tear down the wall she'd built up. We laid hands on her and prayed for her. It was wonderful. She truly is Shama. Then many others spoke one after another. It was wonderful - people were truly convicted to the heart. Washed, each of us who spoke was beginning again. Nathan Wiseman spoke. He said he as dead, he knew he was dead, and he wanted to be alive - very determinedly. He received the name Nathan Amaz. Determined to have life. He spoke many times during breaking of bread - full of thanksgiving and life - Luke in tears repented from reasoning. When we see that the light in him is true life - He will receive a new name. Tabitha also said she was dead and wanted life - repenting form intimidation. Mary Wiseman spoke and said that she'd been defensive - she and Hakam talked a long time with Yoneq an Ha-Emeq previously. So she had been washed - she said mainly about with her children. She felt like if anyone came to here about them that she was a terrible mother, but she came to realize that she is a terrible mother and we're all terrible mothers - how can we who have never been brooded over ever be anything else? But there is freedom in knowing and confessing your condition, and we can all receive help together. I can't describe the wonderful Spirit of liberty and rejoicing we were engulfed in as we poured out things deep within us and came to a new beginning together. We were so thankful!
Now there was one person who shared their heart who suffers greatly with defensiveness. Ha-Emeq shared with them from John 13:3-5.
Because Yahshua knew who He was, where He had come from and where He was going, He knew that He was the greatest thin every so He didn't have to prove or defend this. he was free to humble and gird Himself to serve and be the least to set an example for us to follow. So she told this person that they could do this too if they could believe who they were. But person did not receive the spirit being brought to them and took it as discipline so hard it was beyond hope. So we spoke to them, but it still remains for the root to be exposed to them so they can truly cut it off and turn totally away from it.
But this was my greatest fear with Ann, that as with this person that that spirit, strongly rooted as it is, would make such an attack at its final blow like this as if to utterly destroy the person and hold them back from being totally set free. So it is with this apprehension I say these things because I truly love her and believe she is on the foundation, but does need to totally start again in every way - humble herself and become as a child, listening and hearing and receiving the slightest hints from everyone down to the least - sharing and loving her life and being deeply grateful for her salvation - being set free from the clutches of her own life.
So healing is beginning to come to this little tribe. We all drank the Victory cup in our new beginning and were so happy and thankful and had a wonderful time sharing our joy and faith.
I hope this letter can help you in bringing healing to Ann and anyone else who suffers in this way. May His dwelling place be established in all the earth - built straight and strong and full of joy on the foundation of Yahshua our wonderful Savior who is so sweet. I'm so thankful that we have Him to fall deeper and deeper in love with.
Your sister.


| Back to Teachings | | Back to Twelve Tribes |